i really just am defeated. and hopeless. and i’m probably not going to post after this. for reasons listed below. and the fact that my dad died. i feel abandoned and alone. 
i love you.
i love you more than anything
you were the best part of my life.
im sorry

i really just am defeated. and hopeless. and i’m probably not going to post after this. for reasons listed below. and the fact that my dad died. i feel abandoned and alone. 

i love you.

i love you more than anything

you were the best part of my life.

im sorry

I’ve been watching your world from afar,
I’ve been trying to be where you are,
And I’ve been secretly falling apart,
unseen….
To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful,
You’d be so perfect with me but you just can’t see,
You turn every head but you don’t see me.

I’ll put a spell on you,
You’ll fall asleep and I’ll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I’ll be the first thing you see,
And you’ll realise that you love me

live through this…

it

God you have no idea how hard this is.

to know you care for someone else.

to know you even tried with him…

to know you won’t try with me… for right now… hopefully one day…..

that hope and prayer in that one day…. is what will keep me going….

I know you do need me.  i know you will need me more days then some.  and i know that you want what you want.  and i want to be there for you as you go through life’s lessons.  from family to school to financial to personal…. but life’s love lessons…. is something that is going to take every ounce of my breath away….

i can’t find myself verbally saying I hope what happens won’t work out.  but from what I’ve seen and dealt with… i have my opinion…. i don’t want to be wrong…

i hope you realize a lot.  im going to kill myself for you.  i already have.

i know there will be days where you will be in love with me.  deep down..  whether you want to adknowledge it or not..  i know there will be days where you will want me… and i will give you those days…

and the days that i have to watch you care for someone else… i will have died a thousand times even in one second….

please god give me strength.  

i hope i can be strong for you always.  i hope you will be there for me.  It’s hard because you aren’t expressing how you feel about me anymore… probably because there isn’t much you can say how you feel right now… and im so jealous… of him… and the other people who will capture you for a brief moment in time.

god this kills.  because we fit each other in the right places.  and that i think you know that too.

it hurts seeing you toss everything we were to the trash… it hurts knowing you moved on so quickly… it hurts so much.  it hurts knowing that everything we had… you just dropped so easily…

i miss you.  

i miss us….

hopefully one day….

and until that day….

I’ll be waiting for you.  till the day i die.  

's such blessing in